Idag är jag glad. Det regnar lite utanför mitt fönster, men det är för att ge liv och växtkraft till trädgården, så jag kan ta det lite lungt inne och inte behöver slå på vattenspridaren. Naturen har böjt sig efter mina önskningar. Mitt sommarjobb går bra, jag trivs och det känns roligt att vara ledig över helgen, ingen ångest för att måndag snart är här. Sommarsolen har värmt mig och min energi är tillbaka. Det känns underbart, att få känna såhär igen. Det kan bli bra. Mycket bra.

   Appleblossom (in oil, by Karen W. Schneider).

Min familj för ett år när jag bodde i USA. Schneiders. Min värdmamma Karen fick cancer för några år sedan och fick omvärdera livet och vad som måste hinnas med, vad som är livskvalitet och vad som får en att må bra och att orka. Hon började måla. Lite knaggligt först men sedan med alltmer känsla och färg. Hon mår i dag bra, cancern kanske finns kvar men den har tystnat för stunden. Men Karen fortsätter att måla. Jag tycker hennes tavlor blir mer och mer underbara :) Länkar till hennes sida så ni också får se.

http://karenschneiderart.tumblr.com/page/2

Jag hade tänkt skriva ett inlägg om våren. Hur jag längtade efter den, och hur jag hoppades att den skulle komma och fylla mig med energi. Hade letat en bild som skule passa med en blommande äppelgren. Men våren sprang förbi mig, försvann i ett töcken. Jag vaknar upp och ser att det är sommar! Juli minsann. Vad hände?

Min son har sommarlov med mig, vi skavs lite mot varandra, ovana som vi är vid att vara hemma hela veckan och inte ha "något särskilt som ska göras". Men jag tror vi börjar vänja oss lite nu. Vi tar varandra i handen och går ut i sommaren. Snart kommer Martin också med :)   

It's an ordinary day. It started early, and I spent most of it in school as usual. I feel happy that I'm back to a routine. I like life when it float smoothly along, not much struggle, at least not more then that which can be handled.

Light is returning, the snow now glistens white and glows when the sun hit brown branches with snow along their lenghts. No more hushed small white sparks in the thick dark.

I can feel it, the hope of spring. It's all around me and we all turn our faces to the sun for some small beams to warm us. I was ice skating with my sun, he took his first skating stroaks. It was wonderful to watch how he learnt more and more, grew braver and how proud he was of his no small achievement. Spring time winter has its benefits, but I plan for green spring :)

I ordered seeds to be planted and put by my windows to grow. I will watch them, care for them and when it's warm enough I will plant them outside. Then the grass will be green and I can work in my garden. Use my bright green new garden gloves. Put all my little plans to life. Create new corners of pretty colors (and hide some less pretty).

I'm not there yet. I'll go back to my ordinary day, and the books I usually read. Hi Anatomy, hello Medicine and Cardiology.  

I want to sleep. I wish I could. I wish I would.

Im still sick in this never ending cold, now is the cough keeping me awake so I can't sleep and get no rest. I don't know how I'm supposed to last through a surgery tomorrow (watching). Student's should not be sick. If we are then we are bad students, and what are we doing there? I want to be home. I'm not sure I can last another day dragging myself around the hospital. Feels like I'm always sick tho, its this or that or whatever. Why is it like this, and why is it so hard to choose. Stay home or not? I don't know. Dawn is breaking, and I'm still here. My eyes are red. I need to close them. To rest, be still, be quiet.

The beginning of my vacation, and the end of my summer work. The end of summer itself? I woke up with the sun bright on the sky, but walking outdoors, I felt there was no warmth in the air. Clouds soon broke in and covered the sun. Even colder. I wanted to do so many things, but I feel weak. I want to collect my spirit high but I feel tired. One more week. Then the school beginns. My friends talk of inspiration and intelectual challenge. I feel exhausted and it hasn't even begun. Will our car be sold then? Do I have to bike there in the break of dawn with rain falling and gloomy shadows peeking at me from behind the trees?

I Want to plant fragrant roses in my garden. I want to watch the clematis vine wind themself around the fence and cover it with flowers. I see the thistles grow, seeping into my garden instead. Angry thorns. Unpleasant. Nasty. Vicious?

I made an atemt at being my old me, to climb the moutains and explore the caves. Not even then am I content. I should be vibrant and happy, bursting and wild as the northern wind! I used to be. Why am I not any more? I don't know. I am priviliged and I should feel it, yet I am ungrateful and melancholy. I dwell on what is not mine and I linger in thoughts on how things used to be. I think I met a crossroad and I turned and walked with strong stides away, but my inner self didn't follow. I fear maybe I left it behind, and what if it never catch up?

So did a test today on how much of a book nerd I am. The result was dissapointing. Im with one foot in the real world and one in the world of the book nerd. It' much be that I choose to give away my books instead of buy a new bookshelf when they got too many? Or was it that I prefer not to read a book thicker then 600 pages? I don't know. But no true nerd in this sense anyway. Just have to live with it. ;)

http://www.barnensbokklubb.se/bbk2/boknordstestet/